There is nothing wrong with wanting things

As a therapist, a common phrase I hear people say is, “I shouldn’t want…” (e.g., a nicer family, more talent, more desirable circumstances, more ability, etc…).

Of course, this is said about things that people want, but don’t have, and don’t think they can obtain. It’s not as often said about things people already have or think they can get.

The problem with this belief (“I should not want…”), is that it creates a second problem.   Now, in addition to not having what we want, we also have to deal with a sense of inadequacy and failure that we want it in the first place. This is unnecessary, and it’s also not true. The human mind evolved, in part, to make us want things in order to increase our likelihood of survival and reproduction, as well as happiness and self-actualization.  

Wanting things is normal. It is one of the blessings and curses of being human.  It blesses us because it helps us have good lives, and it curses us because it is very painful to want so many things and not get many, many of them.  This is true for all of us.

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