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Read more about the article Pelorus Bridge Scenic Reserve, New Zealand
Nature / New Zealand

Pelorus Bridge Scenic Reserve, New Zealand

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November 7, 2019
Read more about the article Mahau and Kenepuru Sounds, New Zealand
Nature / New Zealand

Mahau and Kenepuru Sounds, New Zealand

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November 7, 2019
Read more about the article White’s Bay, New Zealand
Nature / New Zealand

White’s Bay, New Zealand

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November 7, 2019
Read more about the article Lake Rotoiti, New Zealand
Nature / New Zealand

Lake Rotoiti, New Zealand

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November 6, 2019
Relationships

Depression from social and psychological need deprivation in modern life

I just watched and wanted to comment on this Ted Talk by Johann Hari. I remember hearing this speaker on Sam Harris's podcast months ago and feeling unusually engaged.  I…

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October 24, 2019
Inspiration

“All wisdom is plagiarized, only our ignorance is original” – Anonymous

At a silent retreat I went to, one of the teachers said something that resonated deeply with me: "all wisdom is plagiarized, only our ignorance is original."  I would say…

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September 3, 2019
Relationships

The inertia of relationship wars

Fights take energy to start and escalate, and they also take energy to stop.  Wars, be they between nations or tribes or individuals, have inertia.  This applies to couples in…

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August 22, 2019
Read more about the article PCT Washington – Agnes Creek to Stehekin
Nature / PCT

PCT Washington – Agnes Creek to Stehekin

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July 8, 2019
Read more about the article PCT Washington – Suiattle River to Agnes Creek
Nature / PCT

PCT Washington – Suiattle River to Agnes Creek

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July 7, 2019
Read more about the article PCT Washington – Mica Lake to Suiattle River
Nature / PCT

PCT Washington – Mica Lake to Suiattle River

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July 6, 2019
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metaforestinsights

Field notes from the therapy chair, the wild, solitude, and love.
Follow for depth and the occasional epiphany.
Full videos at the link ⬇️

My process for dissolving defenses to heal underly My process for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds.  This applies to turning challenging interactions, with a partner or while single, into opportunities for growth and deeper connection.  But it's also a general method for psychological healing, including working with addictive behaviors.

1. Get triggered
2. Remain like a log
3. Name the emotion
4. Catch the urge
5. Turn toward the emotion in the body
6. Stay with it
7. Observe thoughts from a distance
8. Watch energetic shifts
9. Capture the insights
10. Move on stronger
11. Reframe triggers 

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #somatichealing #innerwork #emotionalregulation
If there's one intervention I know as a therapist, If there's one intervention I know as a therapist, it's turning toward emotional pain, rather than pushing it away or getting swept away by it.  Letting it in without letting it take over.

Emotional pain comes in two kinds: the unavoidable and the avoidable. The avoidable kind is what we feel when we resist the unavoidable kind.  It's the pain of saying no to pain.

#emotionalhealth #innerwork #acceptance #equanimity #mindfulness
When two partners both treat their triggers as cha When two partners both treat their triggers as chances to heal, most uncomfortable interactions and insensitive blunders get used for self-awareness and healing, rather than justifications for pressuring the other person to change. When we use triggers to heal, our partner can trust that their mistakes won't be the beginning of a battle, but of our personal growth.

Step 11 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds.

#emotionaltriggers #healthyrelationships #innerwork #emotionalhealing #gratitude
Most insight and transformation lies on the other Most insight and transformation lies on the other side of painful emotional waves.  Once on that side, it helps to write down what we've learned, such as where the old defense might have come from and why we no longer need it, and what we can do instead.  Over time, as we practice feeling the emotion instead of leaning on psychological defenses, it gets easier and more natural to access our healthiest options, like a limp that goes away as we challenge ourselves to bear weight on the injured leg and strengthen it.

Steps 9 and 10 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 11 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #innerwork #journaling #personalgrowth
Core wounds don't heal in just one dose of presenc Core wounds don't heal in just one dose of presence. They form over years, can take years to heal, and the scars may never fully go away. But every session of staying with our emotional pain is an application of a healing balm that will make a difference over time.

Any moment longer than our usual spent attending to our emotional pain is a dose of medicine and a repetition that will consolidate into skill.

Step 8 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Steps 9 & 10 are next.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #innerwork #healingjourney #somatichealing
Attempting to think our way out of emotional pain Attempting to think our way out of emotional pain is a common thread underlying almost all defenses.

Biology and culture have both made humans into the big-brained species that survives largely through intellect, so thinking and survival go hand in hand, which is one explanation for why survival often feels so burdensome.

Picture holding two magnets close to each other but not touching, close enough to feel the force between them, but not so close that they fuse. That might be the relationship we want with our thoughts and feelings when we’re sitting with emotional pain.

Step 7 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 8 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #overthinking #mindfulness #innerwork #somatichealing
Usually we have to get pretty sick of our defenses Usually we have to get pretty sick of our defenses before we find the motivation to do something as unpleasant as sitting with difficult body sensations without trying to make them go away.

When we stay with a difficult emotion in the body, the sensations probably range somewhere between slightly unpleasant and seemingly intolerable. But they are tolerable, at least for some time and to some extent.

Steps 5 and 6 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 7 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #somatichealing #innerwork #emotionalhealing #embodiment
Defenses dissolve in the solvent of our attention. Defenses dissolve in the solvent of our attention. We can observe the defensive urge (e.g., to attack or defend, to withdraw, to dissociate) and the story that accompanies it, and choose to decline acting on the urge or believing the story. Every time we do this, we free ourselves a little more.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #traumaresponse #innerwork #fightflight
Steps 1 and 2 of 11 for dissolving defenses to hea Steps 1 and 2 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal wounds. Steps 3 & 4 are next.

#emotionalhealing #innerwork #emotionalregulation #healing #relationships
Some emotional pain is from a new injury, and that Some emotional pain is from a new injury, and that pain is a signal to protect ourselves, to prevent the damage. 

But some (maybe even most) emotional pain is actually of old injuries, and our wise response to that pain is the opposite.

Pain from an old injury needs to be felt.  Allowed.  Surrendered to.  Because that pain is a different signal: it's a sign that you're healing.  That pain is like the pain of surgery, or exorcism.  The trauma hurt going in, and so it hurts coming out. 

Self-protection in that case blocks our healing, but it can FEEL like damage prevention.  Since the pain feels so similar, it's easy to mistake one for the other.

#healingtrauma #emotionalhealing #innerwork #emotionalwounds #presence
She needs closeness before she can give him space. She needs closeness before she can give him space. He needs space before he can give her closeness. So who goes first?

Most serious couples hit some version of this power struggle over who receives and who gives. As I see it, the way through is taking turns: stretching to care for your partner at your own temporary expense, and doing enough of your own healing to weather it. That work can begin long before you ever meet.

#couplestherapy #attachmentstyles #innerchildhealing #relationships #consciousrelationships
No one gets through childhood unscathed. So we all No one gets through childhood unscathed. So we all carry at least some old wounding from needs that weren't quite met.  And, according to Imago therapy, we carry an unconscious agenda with regards to that old wounding into our committed love relationship.  We are unconsciously looking to be healed.  But some of the traits that drew us to our partner (they feel like “family”), also make it likely that, at times, our partner will be challenged in providing us with the different outcome that we long for from them.

The good news is that we also seek partners who are not entirely like our family of origin.  We want them to close enough to our family to repair what’s unresolved, but different enough so they can actually accomplish it, rather than recreate the original childhood injuries.

The same is true in reverse — they have their own unconscious agenda to be healed, and we’ll be both the right and the wrong person for that job.

#ImagoTherapy #Relationships #Healing #Attachment #Psychology MentalHealth InnerChild Philosophy
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