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PCT Washington – Suiattle River to Agnes Creek

You are currently viewing PCT Washington – Suiattle River to Agnes Creek

PCT Washington – Suiattle River to Agnes Creek

Post author:Brent Henrikson
Post published:July 7, 2019
Post category:Nature / PCT

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metaforestinsights

Therapist reflecting on peace, growth, love, purpose, and living fully.
My full long-form videos are on YouTube.
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metaforest.life

Ever notice how after a breakup, people sometimes

Ever notice how after a breakup, people sometimes pick up each other's hobbies or habits? What bothered you about your partner might have been a part of yourself you shut down long ago. The discomfort they triggered can be worth following.
~~~
When a partner lives what we forbid
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.6)
~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #Psychology #SelfAwareness #InnerWork #Psychotherapy #Attachment #PersonalGrowth

Characteristics that we’re attracted to in a partn

Characteristics that we’re attracted to in a partner can sometimes be the ones we disowned from ourselves when we were growing up. They can also be the parts we most need to reclaim.
~~~
Reclaiming lost parts of ourselves
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.5)
~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #Psychology #SelfAwareness #InnerWork

Intimate relationships are the ones most likely to

Intimate relationships are the ones most likely to abrade our core wounds, because it is within them that we allow ourselves to be the most vulnerable. That pain can make or break the relationship.
~~~~~
A relationship without defenses
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.4)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #Psychology #Therapy

Psychological defenses from childhood are like a h

Psychological defenses from childhood are like a heavy wooden raft that we keep carrying long after the river is behind us.

Aggression, withdrawal, people-pleasing, guardedness, etc — they are the rafts that once helped us survive the river of childhood vulnerability.

But eventually they become a burden we have to learn to set down.
~~~~~
Walking with a heavy raft
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.3)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #Psychology #Therapy

Defenses block the flow of love in two ways: they

Defenses block the flow of love in two ways: they prevent us from showing up for our partner the way they need, and they prevent us from receiving the healthy ways our partner shows up for us.

Defenses exist for a reason: to protect us from the pain of old wounds so we can keep functioning and moving through life.

But every defense comes with a cost. We tend to forget about the wound beneath it and instead become skilled at maintaining the defense itself rather than healing the wound.

Just as limping protects a broken toe but limits our ability to walk freely, emotional defenses protect us from pain while limiting our capacity to love and be loved.

~~~~~
How defenses block the flow of love
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.2)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #EmotionalWounds #Psychology #Therapy

Psychological wounds can be described in many ways

Psychological wounds can be described in many ways. The simplest map is of a single “core wound”: a sense of unlovability. Another useful lens sees the two fundamental attachment injuries: abandonment and engulfment. Still other models describe core schemas (core beliefs) such as “I am unlovable”, “I am unsafe”, or “I am powerless”.

There are many classifications of emotional wounds, but they all attempt to make sense of what is underneath our protective defenses.

~~~~~
Maps of psychological injury
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.1)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Psychology #Therapy #Defenses #CoreWounds

A lot of psychological healing comes down to becom

A lot of psychological healing comes down to becoming aware of our core wounds, and distinguishing them from the defenses that we adopted to protect them.
Once we do that, we can give attention to the wound itself and not just the defense. Our attention is healing, so the wound underneath the defense is what most needs it.
~~~~~
Psychological wounds and defenses
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Psychology #Therapy #CoreWounds #Defenses

The sweetness of newer relationships can feel so g $The sweetness of newer relationships can feel so good that it masks core wounds that we brought into the relationship. When the passion fire calms to a normal sustainable burn and the pain of our wounds is felt, we can misattribute that pain to a partner’s shortcomings. Sometimes they did make mistakes. But often the pain was revealed more than it was created. It’s like having an already fractured foot stepped on. With distance, we may see that mutual defenses blocked love that could have potentially been given, had we worked on dissolving those defenses. ~~~~~ Breakups reveal what relationships conceal (Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1.2) ~~~~~ #Relationships #Attachment #Healing #Breakups #SelfReflection #Dating #Psychology$

~~~ Perspective from a distance (Three pillars of

~~~
Perspective from a distance
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1.1)

While we’re in relationship, pain feels like cause and effect.
They do something. We hurt.

After it ends, and the same wounds still ache, we can see our wounds more clearly.
~~~

#Relationships #Healing #Attachment #Breakups #Self-Reflection #Dating #Psychology

~~~ Break up wake ups (Three pillars of a nourishi

~~~
Break up wake ups
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1)

Breakups hurt more when both people were good, but wounded. Sometimes what we thought were boundaries were actually defenses. It can be hard to tell the difference between integrity and fear. Knowing the difference informs where to focus next.

#Relationships #Healing #Breakups #Selfreflection #Dating #Psychology #Attachment

~~~~~ When to end a relationship (Three pillars of

~~~~~
When to end a relationship
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.8)
~~~~~
#Relationships #BreakingUp #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage

~~~~~ Compassionate uncoupling (Three pillars of a

~~~~~
Compassionate uncoupling
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.8a)
~~~~~
#Relationships #BreakingUp #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology Attachment Decisions Marriage

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