“Don't judge me.” “You're being judgmental.” “This is a judgment-free zone.” We bristle at the word “judgment” and being judgmental, because we intuitively and reflexively sense real danger there. But in truth, every day we’re continuously making decisions and distinctions in order to live the lives that we want. X is better than Y. We choose this and not that. We let someone in, and keep another out. What really IS the difference between harmful/immoral/defensive judgment vs squarely looking at reality in order to decide what we include and what we exclude based on qualities that we determine are good for us or not? Just labeling it something else like "discernment" only goes so far. Separating the light and dark sides of judgment with semantics doesn't do the work of explaining what the difference actually is. The Tarot deck doesn’t shy away from the word “judgment”, including a card by that name which actually points at healthy discernment. And in our society we give someone the title of “judge” when we entrust them to make good and fair decisions. So what really is the difference between the light side and the shadow side of judgment? In this brief video, I relate this important distinction to the drama triangle, which I think is a complex of the dark side of interpersonal judgment.