How Long Should Hard Emotions Last? (Part 1) — The Two Arrows
How long should hard emotions last? In 18 years of practice, almost every client has asked me some version of that question, though usually not directly. Sometimes it sounds like "I feel my pain all the time, I should be feeling less of it, not more." Sometimes it's "I don't really do the feels." My answer begins with the Buddhist parable of the two arrows. The first arrow is the pain life shoots at us, big or small. The second arrow is the one we shoot at ourselves, trying not to feel the first. Second arrows can be cognitive, somatic, behavioral, or relational. Responding to an emotion isn't inherently a problem. What makes a response a second arrow is whether it's aimed at avoiding the feeling or metabolizing it. I also address why "which path involves less pain?" may not be the most useful question, and what liberation means if it isn't freedom from pain. This is Part 1 of a series.
