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PCT California – Cliff Lake to Seiad Valley

You are currently viewing PCT California – Cliff Lake to Seiad Valley

PCT California – Cliff Lake to Seiad Valley

Post author:Brent Henrikson
Post published: June 30, 2016
Post category:Nature / PCT

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metaforestinsights

A therapist's insights on being more alive.
Full videos on YouTube.
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Most insight and transformation lies on the other

Most insight and transformation lies on the other side of painful emotional waves. Once on that side, it helps to write down what we've learned, such as where the old defense might have come from and why we no longer need it, and what we can do instead. Over time, as we practice feeling the emotion instead of leaning on psychological defenses, it gets easier and more natural to access our healthiest options, like a limp that goes away as we challenge ourselves to bear weight on the injured leg and strengthen it.

Steps 9 and 10 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 11 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #innerwork #journaling #personalgrowth

Core wounds don't heal in just one dose of presenc

Core wounds don't heal in just one dose of presence. They form over years, can take years to heal, and the scars may never fully go away. But every session of staying with our emotional pain is an application of a healing balm that will make a difference over time.

Any moment longer than our usual spent attending to our emotional pain is a dose of medicine and a repetition that will consolidate into skill.

Step 8 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Steps 9 & 10 are next.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #innerwork #healingjourney #somatichealing

Attempting to think our way out of emotional pain

Attempting to think our way out of emotional pain is a common thread underlying almost all defenses.

Biology and culture have both made humans into the big-brained species that survives largely through intellect, so thinking and survival go hand in hand, which is one explanation for why survival often feels so burdensome.

Picture holding two magnets close to each other but not touching, close enough to feel the force between them, but not so close that they fuse. That might be the relationship we want with our thoughts and feelings when we’re sitting with emotional pain.

Step 7 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 8 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #overthinking #mindfulness #innerwork #somatichealing

Usually we have to get pretty sick of our defenses

Usually we have to get pretty sick of our defenses before we find the motivation to do something as unpleasant as sitting with difficult body sensations without trying to make them go away.

When we stay with a difficult emotion in the body, the sensations probably range somewhere between slightly unpleasant and seemingly intolerable. But they are tolerable, at least for some time and to some extent.

Steps 5 and 6 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal underlying core wounds. Step 7 is next.

#emotionaltriggers #somatichealing #innerwork #emotionalhealing #embodiment

Defenses dissolve in the solvent of our attention.

Defenses dissolve in the solvent of our attention. We can observe the defensive urge (e.g., to attack or defend, to withdraw, to dissociate) and the story that accompanies it, and choose to decline acting on the urge or believing the story. Every time we do this, we free ourselves a little more.

#emotionaltriggers #emotionalhealing #traumaresponse #innerwork #fightflight

Steps 1 and 2 of 11 for dissolving defenses to hea

Steps 1 and 2 of 11 for dissolving defenses to heal wounds. Steps 3 & 4 are next.

#emotionalhealing #innerwork #emotionalregulation #healing #relationships

Some emotional pain is from a new injury, and that

Some emotional pain is from a new injury, and that pain is a signal to protect ourselves, to prevent the damage.

But some (maybe even most) emotional pain is actually of old injuries, and our wise response to that pain is the opposite.

Pain from an old injury needs to be felt. Allowed. Surrendered to. Because that pain is a different signal: it's a sign that you're healing. That pain is like the pain of surgery, or exorcism. The trauma hurt going in, and so it hurts coming out.

Self-protection in that case blocks our healing, but it can FEEL like damage prevention. Since the pain feels so similar, it's easy to mistake one for the other.

#healingtrauma #emotionalhealing #innerwork #emotionalwounds #presence

She needs closeness before she can give him space.

She needs closeness before she can give him space. He needs space before he can give her closeness. So who goes first?

Most serious couples hit some version of this power struggle over who receives and who gives. As I see it, the way through is taking turns: stretching to care for your partner at your own temporary expense, and doing enough of your own healing to weather it. That work can begin long before you ever meet.

#couplestherapy #attachmentstyles #innerchildhealing #relationships #consciousrelationships

No one gets through childhood unscathed. So we all

No one gets through childhood unscathed. So we all carry at least some old wounding from needs that weren't quite met. And, according to Imago therapy, we carry an unconscious agenda with regards to that old wounding into our committed love relationship. We are unconsciously looking to be healed. But some of the traits that drew us to our partner (they feel like “family”), also make it likely that, at times, our partner will be challenged in providing us with the different outcome that we long for from them.

The good news is that we also seek partners who are not entirely like our family of origin. We want them to close enough to our family to repair what’s unresolved, but different enough so they can actually accomplish it, rather than recreate the original childhood injuries.

The same is true in reverse — they have their own unconscious agenda to be healed, and we’ll be both the right and the wrong person for that job.

#ImagoTherapy #Relationships #Healing #Attachment #Psychology MentalHealth InnerChild Philosophy

When a relationship ends, it can become a bittersw

When a relationship ends, it can become a bittersweet inspiration to heal, if we intuit that our attachment wounds and defenses blocked our innate generosity of, and receptivity to, love.

There are countless healing paths, whether they be with others (e.g., therapy, close friendship), or with yourself (e.g., solitude, nature, introspection).

The route you take works for you if it takes you to self-love, which is where love for a partner can overflow from.

A significant sign of progress is genuine wishes that your exes are finding the same healing, self-love, and healthy intimate connection that you’re seeking and cultivating.

#healing #attachmentwounds #innerwork #selflove #relationships therapy solitude introspection selfcompassion intimacy personalgrowth

Our ability to handle emotional discomfort directl

Our ability to handle emotional discomfort directly determines how well we can love a partner.

It's human nature to feel good when we get what we want, and pain when we don't. But healthy relationships require sometimes going without, so our partner can have their needs met.

We can't give a partner space when we crave connection unless we can tolerate the discomfort that space creates. We can’t give a partner connection when we want space unless we can tolerate the discomfort from not having the space.

To the extent we can tolerate these emotions, we can show up with love. To the extent we reactively avoid them, we can't.

The foundation of emotional regulation is ideally built in childhood, but with hard work and consistent practice, we can catch up as adults.

If, after a relationship ends, we struggle to understand why we leaned too hard, or why connection unnerved us, that may be our call to heal before — or during — the next one.

#EmotionalRegulation #Relationships #Healing #Love #PersonalGrowth AttachmentTheory EmotionalIntelligence LifePhilosophy

The one thing that matters most to me in a client

The one thing that matters most to me in a client isn't age, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or background. It's this: Are you curious about yourself? Do you reflect? Do you want to look inward more?

Early in life I realized something that has stayed with me: it's much easier to change ourselves than to change the world. The world is so much bigger than we are, and our control over it is — if you really think about it — extremely small. What I started to see was that our happiness, our whole experience of life, has less to do with how much the world caters to us and more to do with how aligned we are with it.

Some people come to therapy because their external lives are hard and they want relief. Sometimes they're hoping therapy will directly change their circumstances. Other times they assume that providing relief is simply my job. In both cases I will likely disappoint, because the only way I know how to help is by helping you change something in yourself:

Some way you've been turning away from your own emotions, subtly or not.

Some change in your behavior, your habits, the ways you relate to people.

Some shift in how you see yourself and others, in both the past and the future.

Some way of becoming more present, of saying yes to your experience more fully.

Our circumstances do matter. But the only leverage I can offer you is on the inside. And pursuing outer changes while avoiding inner change is frequently the very pattern that brings people to therapy in the first place.

When people do make inner changes, their outer circumstances usually improve — but often with a long lag time of years. Think of adjusting a sailboat's course. The sails swing all the way across, a dramatic change, and yet your position on the water has barely moved. Give that new heading time though, and the small change compounds. Eventually you could find yourself on the other side of the world.

Importantly, where the boat ends up isn't really the point. What matters is how it's sailing: trimmed, balanced, and moving cleanly through the water it's in right now.

#therapy #innerwork #selfreflection #psychotherapy #carljung #presence #selfawareness #healing

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