Skip to content
The Metaforest

Inner-peace, inspiration, connection, vitality, wisdom, & purpose

  • About
  • Therapy
    • Values and fit
    • Philosophy and approach
      • Humanistic
      • Psychodynamic
      • Acceptance and Commitment (ACT)
      • Imago (Couples)
      • Cognitive Behavioral (CBT)
      • Narrative
  • Coaching
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Resources
    • Couples relationships
    • Emotions
      • Anxiety
      • Depression
      • Anger
    • Focus & discipline
      • Addiction
    • Physical Health
      • Nutrition
      • Sleep
    • Practices
      • Meditation
      • Journaling
    • Purpose/meaning/career
      • Creativity
    • Self-love & confidence
    • Trauma
Menu Close Menu
Search this website
  • About
  • Therapy
    • Values and fit
    • Philosophy and approach
  • Coaching
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Resources

Author: Brent Henrikson

This author has written 163 articles
Read more about the article Three pillars of a nourishing relationship (part 1): hard work together
Relationships

Three pillars of a nourishing relationship (part 1): hard work together

This post is the text of a video essay I've hosted on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsXtYOWf-e0 Introduction What leads to a nourishing intimate relationship? What makes a relationship work?   It’s a…

0 Comments
December 3, 2023
Reviews

Review / summary of Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength by Roy Baumeister

I generally find Roy Baumeister’s research topics interesting, including his willpower research.  This book is written by a journalist and talks about Dr Baumeister in the 3rd person.  I think…

0 Comments
September 16, 2023
Reviews

Review/summary of The Genius Zone by Gay Hendricks

I think The Genius Zone is a book that would benefit those looking to enhance their creativity and who are in search for their purpose and calling, but I also think there…

0 Comments
August 26, 2023
Reviews

Review of The Great Work of Your Life by Stephen Cope

I heard Cope give a short talk on a Sounds True YouTube video and there was something about his clarity and organization of his presentation that I had a strong…

0 Comments
August 21, 2023
Reviews

Review/summary of The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks

The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks is a book I found valuable for decreasing negative thinking, improving creativity, and feeling more empowered.  This a book review / summary of some…

0 Comments
August 21, 2023
Read more about the article Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 3)
Healing / Nature / Practices

Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 3)

This post is the text of a video essay that I made. For most people, I would recommend watching/listening to the video instead of reading the post: https://youtu.be/yX0xYJmrQvY The River…

0 Comments
August 5, 2023
Read more about the article Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 2)
Healing / Nature / Practices

Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 2)

This post is narrated in this YouTube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_WO7D8u8sE Keeping our cold seat In standard meditation practices, a common instruction is to “keep your seat”.  People who say they “can’t…

0 Comments
August 5, 2023
Read more about the article Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 1)
Healing / Practices / Vitality

Cold water immersion in nature: a therapist’s experience and reflections (Part 1)

This post is narrated in this YouTube video: https://youtu.be/IE1Jwhhy1iY Taking the plunge I don’t know exactly why I started getting in cold water three years ago. Carl Jung said that…

0 Comments
July 20, 2023
Read more about the article Resources for a creating a healthy relationship to anger
Resources

Resources for a creating a healthy relationship to anger

Books Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg A lot of what underlies anger is unmet needs and unacknowledged emotions. Nonviolent communication is…

0 Comments
April 14, 2023
Read more about the article Resources for skillfully working with painful emotions
Resources

Resources for skillfully working with painful emotions

This being human is a guest house.Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness,some momentary awareness comesas an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all!Even if they’re…

0 Comments
March 6, 2023
  • Go to the previous page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • …
  • 17
  • Go to the next page

metaforestinsights

Peace and growth are your true nature 🌲❄️🗻🪿🍄☀️🌳
Therapist reflecting on love, purpose, and living fully
metaforest.life

Defenses block the flow of love in two ways: they Defenses block the flow of love in two ways: they prevent us from showing up for our partner the way they need, and they prevent us from receiving the healthy ways our partner shows up for us.

Defenses exist for a reason: to protect us from the pain of old wounds so we can keep functioning and moving through life.

But every defense comes with a cost. We tend to forget about the wound beneath it and instead become skilled at maintaining the defense itself rather than healing the wound.

Just as limping protects a broken toe but limits our ability to walk freely, emotional defenses protect us from pain while limiting our capacity to love and be loved.

~~~~~
How defenses block the flow of love
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.2)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Defenses #EmotionalWounds #Psychology #Therapy
Psychological wounds can be described in many ways Psychological wounds can be described in many ways. The simplest map is of a single “core wound”: a sense of unlovability. Another useful lens sees the two fundamental attachment injuries: abandonment and engulfment. Still other models describe core schemas (core beliefs) such as “I am unlovable”, “I am unsafe”, or “I am powerless”.

There are many classifications of emotional wounds, but they all attempt to make sense of what is underneath our protective defenses.

~~~~~
Maps of psychological injury
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2.1)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Psychology #Therapy #Defenses #CoreWounds
A lot of psychological healing comes down to becom A lot of psychological healing comes down to becoming aware of our core wounds, and distinguishing them from the defenses that we adopted to protect them.
Once we do that, we can give attention to the wound itself and not just the defense. Our attention is healing, so the wound underneath the defense is what most needs it.
~~~~~
Psychological wounds and defenses
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.2)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Healing #Psychology #Therapy #CoreWounds #Defenses
The sweetness of newer relationships can feel so g The sweetness of newer relationships can feel so good that it masks core wounds that we brought into the relationship. 
When the passion fire calms to a normal sustainable burn and the pain of our wounds is felt, we can misattribute that pain to a partner’s shortcomings.
Sometimes they did make mistakes. But often the pain was revealed more than it was created.
It’s like having an already fractured foot stepped on.
With distance, we may see that mutual defenses blocked love that could have potentially been given, had we worked on dissolving those defenses.
~~~~~
Breakups reveal what relationships conceal
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1.2)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Attachment #Healing #Breakups #SelfReflection #Dating #Psychology
~~~ Perspective from a distance (Three pillars of ~~~
Perspective from a distance
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1.1)

While we’re in relationship, pain feels like cause and effect.
They do something. We hurt.

After it ends, and the same wounds still ache, we can see our wounds more clearly.
~~~

#Relationships #Healing #Attachment #Breakups #Self-Reflection #Dating #Psychology
~~~ Break up wake ups (Three pillars of a nourishi ~~~
Break up wake ups
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 3.1)

Breakups hurt more when both people were good, but wounded. Sometimes what we thought were boundaries were actually defenses. It can be hard to tell the difference between integrity and fear. Knowing the difference informs where to focus next.

#Relationships #Healing #Breakups #Selfreflection #Dating #Psychology #Attachment
~~~~~ When to end a relationship (Three pillars of ~~~~~
When to end a relationship
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.8)
~~~~~
#Relationships #BreakingUp #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage
~~~~~ Compassionate uncoupling (Three pillars of a ~~~~~
Compassionate uncoupling
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.8a)
~~~~~
#Relationships #BreakingUp #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology Attachment Decisions Marriage
~~~~~ Does relationship compatibility change over ~~~~~
Does relationship compatibility change over time?
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.7)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage #Spirituality
~~~~~ Compatibility-life balance (Three pillars of ~~~~~
Compatibility-life balance
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.6)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage #Spirituality
~~~~~ To stay together or not to stay together (Th ~~~~~
To stay together or not to stay together
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.5)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Dating #Compatibility #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage #Spirituality
~~~~~ Relationship challenges as a spiritual pract ~~~~~
Relationship challenges as a spiritual practice
(Three pillars of a nourishing relationship 2.11.4)
~~~~~
#Relationships #Dating #Compatibility #Spirituality #Psychology #Attachment #Decisions #Marriage
Follow on Instagram

  • Courage
  • Healing
  • Inner-peace
  • Inspiration
  • Practices
  • Psychotherapy
  • Purpose
  • Relationships
  • Self-awareness
  • Vitality